Why Capable Women Lose Access to Desire

Desire doesn’t disappear with a bang. It fades under competence, responsibility, and a life that functions but doesn’t quite move. For many capable women, the problem isn’t clarity — it’s capacity.

They don’t lose desire because they’re unmotivated. They lose it because their nervous systems have learned to prioritise function over authorship. When life becomes something to manage rather than create, wanting starts to feel unsafe — and quietly goes offline.

This essay reframes regulation not as calm, but as power, and shows why desire returns only when the nervous system can hold more than survival.